


Fitz and the Catfish's Cocktail

by Agent_Of_Something, ElodieCarterERogers



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Bobo&HisGrandson, Cocktail, DrunkFitz, Funny, Gen, WinktoIain'sBirthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent_Of_Something/pseuds/Agent_Of_Something, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElodieCarterERogers/pseuds/ElodieCarterERogers
Summary: It's Fitz's birthday. The 33yo Scottish is enjoying the birthday's party his friends made for him until Deke asks him to drink one of his cocktail he made.
Relationships: Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons
Comments: 6
Kudos: 7





	Fitz and the Catfish's Cocktail

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Fitz drunk](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/734823) by innertimetraveldetective. 



> Here we are, the last story of Neta and Elodie for this year 2020. We started writing late together but we end on a good note, I hope. This story is a nod to Iain's birthday yesterday, and we really hope you enjoy it. We found inspiration in a post posted on Tumblr by innertimetraveldetective where Daisy tells Fitz he was totally drunk last night. And it gave us this. Enjoy!
> 
> Always:  
> Elodie wrote for Fitz, but also Daisy, May and YoYo.  
> Neta wrote for Jemma, but also Deke, Coulson and Mack.

“Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday, Fitz! Happy Birthday to you!” Everyone sang off key but the joy was there. Fitz smiled as Jemma handed him his cake shaped like a monkey and kissed his cheek. He blew out the candles and soon everyone dug in. 

Fitz smiled as he rarely did and automatically turned his head to Jemma, holding her hand, looking at her with his puppy blue eyes. He was as her was, happy to be here and celebrate his birthday with all his friends.

“Hey Bobo!” Deke called. “I made something for your birthday, you wanna try it?” He bounced over to Fitz, disrupting the peaceful atmosphere, putting his hand on his shoulder, a big smile on his face. 

Fitz gave him a cold look, sighed annoyed, and raised his head to watch Mack giving him his first gift offered by Coulson. 

“So, this is a model of Lola because I know you love make some replicas about her.” Coulson explained as Fitz tore the paper open. 

Deke came closer to him, but Fitz moved from his way and walked to Mack, to get another of his gifts. The bigger one. 

“Hope you’re gonna like it, Turbo. Mack said. “We made it with Simmons and according to her, it’s something you won’t stop talking about.” He said, with a big smile, pushing the big gift to his friend. “Open it!” 

“What do you think?” Jemma asked. The gift was a modified Night-Night sniper gun with voice recognition and reconnaissance abilities. 

“I love it!” Fitz replied with a big smile. “How did you know to do that? I mean, you know but…”

“I took you old blueprints to make it.” Jemma answered with a proud smile.

“Thanks Mack, thanks Love. I can’t wait to use it.” 

“Not here, of course.” Coulson said, amused.

“Yeah, nah, only against bad guys.” Fitz answered, hypnotized by the weapon. “Look at this thing over here.” Fitz show a button. “What happen when you press it?” 

“Babe, maybe you can see that later?” Jemma grabbed his hand and laughed. “I think Daisy wants to give you her gift now.” 

Fitz looked at her, confused and a bit disappointed but obeyed to his wife and nodded.

“Here, monkey.” Daisy said, putting a small gift in his hands. “This is not what I wanted for the color but Simmons told me it would not be a problem.”

Fitz frowned, suspicious and opened Daisy’s gift. A black and white kilt fell on Fitz’s hands.

“Seriously?” Fitz’s asked, not amused.

And Daisy could not stop laughing. “For your next wedding maybe?”

“You let her buy this?” Fitz asked, turning to Jemma.

“It’s funny, Babe, don’t take it seriously.” She said, kissing his cheek.

“It’s stupid and mean!” He answered, offended, throwing back the kilt to Daisy who could not stop laughing.

Jemma smiled and rubbed his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, silently giving Daisy a “stop mocking him” look.

“Bobo, please?” Deke whined.

“Stop calling me like this!” Fitz growled, and then, looked at Jemma, annoyed. 

“Just try what he made and he’ll stop. It’s for your birthday” She reasoned, kissing his temple soothingly. He no doubt would complain of a headache that Deke caused. 

“But I don’t care! Why is he annoying me today with his- I don’t know what!” He sighed, crossing his arms, upset. 

“He’s our grandson. If not for him, will you do it for me?” 

Fitz looked at her with a supply look to not oblige him to try but as he could never resist Jemma, he finally accepted with a long deep sigh.

“Okay, let’s try your whatever thing.” He said, looking at Deke with an expressionless face. 

“Here you go.” Deke grinned and handed him a strange concoction. Fitz took a tentative sip. “So, what do you think?” 

He first thought it would be disgusting but actually, it was amazingly tasty. Sweet, fruity, with a little hint of salt and pepper, it was not disgusting at all. But he would never admit it to Deke.

“It’s awful!” He said with a grimace. “What the hell is that?!” 

Jemma looked at him with alarm, smacking him in the arm. “Be nice!” 

He turned his head to his wife, ready to say something but he noticed her typical British look and backtracked. 

“Well, we can drink it, I guess. Happy?” He said to Deke without a smile. 

Deke looked down before smiling, “Yep! I’ll go make some more! Happy Birthday, Bobo!” 

Fitz rolled his eyes and shook his head. But when Jemma turned to follow Deke, Fitz quickly drank the rest of his glass and nodded. It was really good. Then, he checked that nobody noticed him and walked around to watch Mack talking with Coulson about Lola. 

“Here Bobo, I made another for you.” Deke had followed him with another of the strange drink. 

“Bloody Hell, how many times should I have to say it?! Don’t call me BOBO!” Fitz yelled at him before taking the glass briskly to his hands and walked away. 

“Deke, leave Fitz alone, would you?” Daisy asked, walking to him. “If you annoy him again, he’s gonna turn into Scrappy Doo Fitz and we don’t want to spoil his birthday. Go annoy May, I suspect she’s bored.” 

Deke looked down in shame. Not even his own grandparents wanted anything to do with him, nevertheless his crush. She thinks he’s nothing. Dejected, he sat down away from the party, playing with the hem of his jacket. 

Daisy walked to Jemma, looking at Fitz in the background sipping his new cocktail glass. 

“Will you taste this thing?” She asked Jemma, who was looking for some gluten free thing to eat. 

“No. I need to know it’s ingredients first.” Jemma replied. 

“So, why did you let Fitz drink it?” Daisy smirked, amused. 

“Because it meant something to Deke. And I want him to feel welcome. Why are you asking me this?” 

“Because I saw Deke put some sticky things into the liquid and I’m not reassured about them.” Daisy said with a grimace. 

“Is Fitz having some sort of reaction?” 

“Well, I guess he’s pretty much enjoying it,” She answered, showing Fitz sit on the couch, drinking the cocktail and nodding to it. 

“Well then, I don’t see any problem.” Jemma smiled and went to sit down next to Fitz. 

Fitz licked his lips many times and finished his glass to the last drop, nodded again.

“Very good!” He said with a laugh. “Red. Strawberry? No. It’s Kajue. I guess? No, lemon. There’s yellow color.” He thought, looking at the glass, frowning. “Mafhra? Yes! That’s it. I knew it.” 

Jemma’s eyes widened. “Fitz, are you okay?” 

A good song came to his ears and he turned his head to it when he saw a wonderful angel with wings, purple eyes, and a white and black dress. 

“Wooooooow!” He said with big eyes. “So beautiful! No, more than beautiful. Beautiful. Yes. You are.” He slided to the creature and opened his mouth more. “The wings! How? Arht Wa ptia Whea.” He nodded, so in love, with bright eyes. 

“Fitz, are you drunk?” Jemma was concerned at this new and oddly endearing side of her husband. 

He dared put a hand on her thigh, trying to get his best seductive look. 

“Are you single, beautiful creature? Cause I am and I’m wingly attracted to your wings.” He smiled, proud of his seductive words. 

Jemma just stared blankly before grabbing his face to force him to look at her. “Are you feeling okay?” She asked again. 

“Wooow!” He said with big eyes again, grabbing her face back in his hands. “Your eyes are so big and purple! Like the hot Nessie you are! Marry me!” 

“I’m already married.” To you, she added in her head. 

The world could have fallen on him. 

“No!” He yelled, not amused anymore. “The love of my life! How could you? I was yours and decided to follow you until the diamond waterfall and killed a lot of Vrellnexians for you and now you just reveal to me that another monkey space dickhead caught your heart!” He hit his chest, starting to cry. 

“No no no no no no Fitz. Listen to me, you are my husband. You’re my only monkey.” She looked to Daisy who was giggling and filming this. Jemma rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around Fitz. 

Fitz continued to cry, putting his head into her chest, sniffling. 

“My heart is broken now. I lost the angel of my life and the purple eyes.” He said with a childish voice when suddenly he noticed his head was in her chest. “Oh, nice one!” 

“Ok, I think this party is over for you, Mister. Come on.” Jemma started to try and get up but he pulled her onto his lap and secured her there, refusing to let go. 

“Will you marry me? I could offer you some tentacles as wedding gifts.” He said, putting one of his hands near her upper back. “I’d die for you.” He said, trying to kiss her. 

Jemma leaned back, not one for kissing drunk people. “Come on, we’re going to bed.” 

“Oh!” He said with another big eyes, smirking. “Let’s go to bed, Bedby!” He winks to her with a laugh. 

She grimaced and pulled him up to lead him to their room.

“Are you a virgin?” He asked, frowning before stopping her. “Wait. If you’re married already, you’re cheating? YOU’RE CHEATING ON YOUR HUSBAND FOR ME!” He yelled, shocked. 

“Oh my God. Fitz listen to me. And you are my husband.” She turned around and put her hands on his shoulders. 

He frowned, confused, looked at her and then put his both hands on her hips. 

“You don’t have sex with you husband?” He asked, suspicious. “Boring Purple Eyes Angel. I’m gonna change that.”

Just then, Deke came in. “Hey, so I may have overused one of the ingredients. Is Fitz okay?”

“Yep, fine. Bye bye, now Deke.” She didn’t want to alarm anyone. 

While Deke and Jemma continued to talk, Fitz took the opportunity to walk to a table, grabbing a beer and then stopped in the middle of the room. While nobody was looking at him, he smashed the bottle beer on the ground and yelled out loud:

“AYE! AYE! PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY OF RASCALE! I WILL MARRIED THE PURPLE EYES CREATURE THERE NEXT TO THE GUY WITH THE HEAD AS A CATFISH!” He gave a thunderous howl before tearing off the buttons of his shirt, revealing a muscular body with hairy nipples. “BRING ME BEER AND PUFFIES, YOU COW FROM SPACE!” He continued to yell.

“OH MY GOD!” Jemma screamed. “FITZ PUT ON A SHIRT!” This sight was reserved only for her. 

“Oh my God!” Daisy said with big, shocked eyes. “Simmons, you never told us about this!” She quickly grabbed her phone to film.

“I need to leave this party.” May said, enough of it - and traumatized.

YoYo was hiding her eyes, her head into Mack’s chest. 

“Ok, Fitz, put your shirt back on.” Jemma ordered. 

“HOW DARE YOU ORDER SOMETHING TO YOUR FUTURE SECOND HUSBAND?!” Fitz continued to yell, thinking he was like Thor. “GIMME SOME RESPECT, ANGEL WOMAN, AND BRING ME BEER!” He gave her the most stupid mad look ever. “YOU, CATFISH HEAD, BRING SOME BOAR TO EAT!”

“Okay, Turbo, I think you’re enough for tonight.” Mack said, approaching to him.

Fitz turned to Mack and stepped back, scared.

“Loki’s giant bear!” He said. 

“I can’t believe we caught this!” Daisy laughed, continuing filming. 

“Daisy, why are you filming this?” Jemma asked, really concerned for her husband. 

“Trust me, I’m gonna use this against him each time I can!” She laughed more. “Oh my God, Simmons!” 

Fitz was now on the table, throwing everything he could to Mack who tried to stop him.

“BACK AWAY FROM ME, BEAR! YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME, I’M A MONKEY MARAUDER!” He was throwing some pieces of cake. “CATCH THIS!” 

“No no Fitz! Stop! For me?” Jemma stood on the table next to him and grabbed his wrists. 

“BACK FROM- OH! Purple eyes...” He literally stopped his madness and focused on Jemma with a big smile. “You’re so beautiful, marry me?!” 

“We’re already married.” She showed him their rings. “Now come down and let me take you to bed to go to sleep.” 

“Sleeping together?” He asked, suspicious, not sure she was saying the truth. “Like a husband and wife. Same bed. Naked?” 

“Not naked. But yes, so c’mon.” She grabbed his hand to help him off the table and gave him his shirt to put on. 

He threw it to May and it fell on her head. She gave him a furious dead look. He didn’t even notice it, following Jemma.

“HAVING FUN, COWS! I’M GONNA GET MY HONEYMOON WITH MY PURPLE CREATURE!” he yelled before stopping to Deke, looking at him, shocked and pale. “YOU ARE SO UGLY, CATFISH! HA!” 

“I’m dying!” Daisy said, laughing so much that she could not film correctly. 

“Alright, Daisy, stop filming.” Coulson said. “Simmons, take Fitz and this,” he handed her the shirt, “and take him away. By far one of the weirdest birthday parties that I’ve been to.” 

“Master Commander Talk!” Fitz said, while stopping briskly and becoming suddenly pale. “I don't feel good…” 

“Deke, how long until the effects wear off?” Jemma asked.

Deke shrugged.

“Let’s go to bed, Mister.” Jemma said. 

While Jemma held him, Fitz suddenly pushed her away and turned back, holding his stomach. Something came from it and he threw up… directly on May’s feet who was leaving the room behind them.

She hissed, looking at Fitz, sick, mad as she never was. 

“Out.” She said slowly looking at Simmons with her threatening look. 

“I’m so sorry. I’ll pay you back. Don’t worry.” Jemma apologized and all but dragged her intoxicated husband out and into their room where she locked the door behind them. 

Fitz fell on the ground and walked four-footed to the bed, wailing ding. 

“I’m sick,” He said, holding his stomach and sitting against the bed. “I’m sick, Jemma…” 

“Go brush your teeth. You’ll have a hangover in the morning.” She didn’t look at him. 

“I don’t even… have the strength to move…” He said before wailing ding again. “I’m gonna die. I’m sure. He tried to kill me… The catfish!” 

“I’ll brush your teeth for you. And when you’re back to normal, you will apologize to Deke, to Mack, to May, and to everyone else. And I’ll try and erase the footage. But for now, you need to rest.” 

He didn’t even listen to her, he was too sick to understand or catch something clearly. If he were moving, talking, or looking at something, he would die, he was certain. So, he just wailing ding once again, exaggerated a little, like a child. 

“Fitz, you have to rest.” 

“If I close my eyes, I’m gonna die.” He said, with a grimace.

“Your eyes are already closed.”

He opened them bigger. “I’m dead! HE GOT MY SOUL, THE CATFISH! JEMMAAAAAA!” 

“Alright. That’s it.” She filled a cup with freezing cold water and splashed it on him to make him more aware. “Go brush your teeth and go to bed!” 

“Ah!” He jumped, surprised. “You’re mean!” He said, before walking to the bathroom on his four feet, wailing ding again. “I’m sick and you’re acting like the cold Cinderella’s step-mother.” He finished in the bathroom, holding the sink with difficulty. “Oh, boy, it’s high.” 

“Stand up fully.” Jemma replied.

“Yes, Master!” He said with a growl and stood up, holding the sink after stepping back a little. “Wow!” Then, he looked at him and screamed. 

“What’s wrong again?” Jemma asked. 

“My face!” He said, running to the bedroom, bumping the door at the same time. “Look at me! LOOK!” 

“You’ve had a beard for a while! Come along now. Go brush your teeth and this will all be over soon.”

“You sure? It stings!” He said, panicking. 

“ENOUGH! JUST GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AND GO TO BED! SIMPLE!” She yelled, pushing him back into the bathroom. 

He dared not to offense her again, terrified of her British anger and he went to do what she asked. After brushing his teeth, he silently came to the bed, quiet like a child. 

“Goodnight Fitz, sleep well.” She murmured and kissed his forehead. 

He nodded and turned on his side, back to her, to sleep. He was still sick, his belly hurting him but he didn’t dare say it to Jemma. She was mad at him and he didn’t want to get her British anger again. But still…

“It was not my fault.” He grumbled. 

“What wasn’t?” 

“The catfish’s fault.” 

“Who is the catfish?” She sat down next to him after she had brushed her teeth. 

“Deke!” He said with a deep disgusting grimace. 

“Oh, Babe, it’s okay. He’ll apologize to you in the morning. It just wanted to make you a birthday gift. All you need to worry about right now is sleep. I’ll be right here if you need anything. Okay?” 

“I don’t want him to approach me ever again!” He growled, putting the blanket over his head. 

“Do you want me to approach you?” She asked, climbing into the bed to wrap herself around him. 

“Hmm!” He growled, like a grumpy child. “Can you stroke my hair until I fall asleep?” He asked, with a small childish voice. 

She laughed brightly, “Of course.”

He smiled, glad, and slided towards her, making him be the little spoon. “Don’t forget to stroke my hair, okay?” He asked, closing his eyes, feeling her warm body. 

“I promise.” She whispered as sleep consumed him. 

**The End**


End file.
